So, you decided to open your own business BUT you hit an obstacle,and because of that obstacle you decided to close your business down. You say, “it was a sign that I wasn’t meant to do that.!!”
You decided to go back to the dating world (you go you!), the first date turned out to be an utter disappointment, trash, so you decide that that obstacle would be the reason why you don’t put yourself out there again. You say, “it was a sign that I wasn’t meant to do that.!”
Next scenario, fast forward time, You are a bit older now, and your dream is to go back to school and get your degree. As the course progresses, your grades start slipping and the work piles up. You feel like you did everything you could, you visited office hours, you studied your brains off! You are DIFFERENT because you work and the “little buttheads have it easy because their parents are paying for everything so it’s JUST NOT FAIR!” So you decide, screw it! I’ve failed. This is just NOT for me. You say, “it was a sign that I wasn’t meant to do that.”
Ahhh yes, signs, a trade with the universe, “If the universe does this for me then it must mean that I can or cannot do that thing.” Note: the universe is its own self. And you are your own self. So in a way, we must differentiate these two and realize that the universe doesn’t control you, you control you. Now this is getting deep, BUT, the point is, you must make decisions for YOURSELF. If something happens, don’t automatically blame the signs. Maybe you can just move on? Or teach yourself how to not make that same mistake again and make room for growth? It’s up to you! The point is, move forward.
A sign is when you give meaning to an event by interpreting it as a reinforcement that something should or shouldn't have taken place. I was very guilty of saying, “it’s a sign” often that it became automatic for me to say it without questioning it’s meaning. So, let’s explore it’s meaning together.
YOU GO ONE OF TWO WAYS
Let’s start with a reminder. Obstacles and setbacks are part of life, they will happen to all of us. However, we each handle them differently. For some, they hit an obstacle, panic, and retreat back to their comfort zone. They say, “Damn, I knew I should have listened to myself. What are people going to say? Oh well, I just have to accept the fact that this was a sign it wasn’t meant to be for me.” But who says that you have to accept that as a fact? Who gets to decide when you stop trying and taking risks? Remember, you are your own universe! You control this.
Then there are those that hit an obstacle, feel a sense of discomfort, and consciously choose to keep trying over and over again until they reach their target goal. They don’t say it’s a sign for me to quit, they say, it’s an opportunity to learn! Think about this, when a celebratory moment happens to us (i.e. graduating, getting that promotion, losing weight, etc.) it is not a sign that your life was meant to be like that. It was the fact that you put in hard work, dedication, and commitment to achieve that goal, right? Who else put in those hours, endless days, and time? You did.
REAL OR FAKE?
You see, you do not need to rely on signs to make decisions, for it’s not a sign that something did or didn’t work, it’s YOU that did or didn’t make it work. And when you see an event as a sign that you weren’t meant to do that, you rob yourself of the opportunity to tap into qualities that would make you a leader! Why? Because you put the responsibility on the universe and avoid seeing how your behaviors and actions directly contributed to the results you got! It is not, “This is it, it wasn’t meant to be. It’s a sign” it is a, “okay this didn’t turn out the way I hoped, what else can I do instead?” And then see what you could do differently.
I want you to look back at the examples from earlier, and imagine what would have happened to each individual if they decided not to interpret their obstacle as a sign they couldn’t continue, and kept on trying to overcome it anyways? And imagine, if instead of them saying, “it was a sign that I wasn’t meant to do that” they said, “this was an opportunity for me to be resilient.” Now imagine, if you did the same to your life? What would that give you? What would that do for you?
Signs give a little sense of relief, a feeling of being “off the hook.” Signs are interpretations created by us to avoid the possibility that things turned out the way they did because of our choices. Just like reading this blog, it was not a sign that you needed this in your life. You were the one who chose to click on the links that got you here. And as a result of that choice, you were hopefully able to get a different perspective in life. So, are signs real? Well, they are only real if you believe that the results you have in your life are based on the universe, not your actions. And I am not here to tell you what you believe is right or wrong. I am here to challenge thoughts and behaviors that stop you from living the badass life that you deserve!
- Edna Mendez, M.A. Life Coach & Mentor.
Edna Méndez is a life coach and mentor who has defied family expectations, ended toxic relationships, and has challenged societal norms. Equipped with a Masters degree and have gone through a life coaching program herself, Edna certainly knows a thing or two about achieving anything she puts her mind too. Edna encourages many of her clients to do the same as she helps them all fall back in love with themselves.